Weddings in Ancient Rome

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The Roman wedding ceremony incorporated as a series of divine and human rituals. The bride wore an orange veil, which symbolized dawn, and a white or orange dress with a belt or girdle tied into the "knot of Hercules," which the husband untied on their wedding night. The expression "tie the knot" is a reference to this belt. The custom of a June wedding is linked to Juno, the goddess of marriage and childbirth, after which the month of June was named.

It will be noticed that superstition played an important part in the arrangements for a wedding two thousand years ago, as it does now. Especial pains had to be taken to secure a lucky day. The Kalends, Nones, and Ides of each month, and the day following each of them, were unlucky. So was all of May and the first half of June, on account of certain religious ceremonies observed in these months, in May the Argean offerings and the Lemuria, in June the dies religiosi connected with Vesta. Besides these, the dies parentales, February 13-21, and the days when the entrance to the lower world was supposed to be open, August 24, October 5, and November 8, were carefully avoided.

One-third of the year, therefore, was absolutely barred. The great holidays, too, and these were legion, were avoided, not because they were unlucky, but because on these days friends and relatives were sure to have other engagements. Women being married for the second time chose these very holidays to make their weddings less conspicuous. [Source: “The Private Life of the Romans” by Harold Whetstone Johnston, Revised by Mary Johnston, Scott, Foresman and Company (1903, 1932) |+|]

Wedding Clothes in Ancient Rome

On the eve of her wedding day the bride dedicated to the Lares of her father's house her bulla and toga praetexta, which married women did not wear, and also, if she was not much over twelve years of age, her childish playthings. For the sake of the omen she put on before going to sleep the tunica recta, or tunica regilla, woven in one piece and falling to the feet. It was said to have derived the name recta from being woven in the old fashioned way at an upright loom, though some authorities have thought it so called because it hung straight, not being bloused over at the belt. This same tunic was worn at the wedding. |+|

“On the morning of the wedding day the bride was dressed for the ceremony by her mother. Roman poets show unusual tenderness as they describe the mother’s solicitude. The chief article of dress was the tunica recta already mentioned, which was fastened around the waist with a band of wool tied in the knot of Hercules (nodus Herculaneus), probably because Hercules was the guardian of wedded life. This knot the husband only was privileged to untie. Over the tunic was worn the bridal veil, the flame-colored veil (flammeum). So important was the veil of the bride that nubere, “to veil oneself,” is the word regularly used for the marriage of a woman. |+|

“Especial attention was given to the arrangement of the hair. It was divided into six locks by the point of a spear, or comb of that shape, a practice surviving, probably, from ancient marriage by capture; these locks, perhaps braided, were kept in position by ribbons (vittae). As the Vestals wore the hair thus arranged, it must have been an extremely early fashion, at any rate. The bride had also a wreath of flowers and sacred plants gathered by herself. The groom wore, of course, the toga and had a similar wreath of flowers on his head. He was accompanied to the home of the bride at the proper time by relatives, friends, and clients, who were bound to do him every honor on his wedding day. |+|

In many cases, the night before the wedding, the bride’s hair was placed in crimson net. As custom dictated she wore a tunic without hem (tunica recta). The cingulum herculeum was a girdle of wool with a double knot to secure it around her waist. Her cloak or palla was saffron in color as were her sandals. Around her neck she wore a metal collar. On top of the veil was placed a wreath, woven simply of verbena and sweet marjoram in the time of Caesar and Augustus, and later of myrtle and orange blossom. [Source: “Daily Life in Ancient Rome: the People and the City at the Height the Empire” by Jerome Carcopino, Director of the Ecole Franchise De Rome Member of the Institute of France, Routledge 1936]

Wedding Ceremony in Ancient Rome

In connection with the marriage ceremonies it must be remembered that only the consent was necessary, with the act expressing the consent, and that all other forms and ceremonies were nonessential and variable. Something depended upon the particular form used, but more upon the wealth and social position of the families interested. It is probable that most weddings were a good deal simpler than those described by our chief authorities. The house of the bride’s father, where the ceremony was performed, was decked with flowers, boughs of trees, bands of wool, and tapestries. The guests arrived before the hour of sunrise, but even then the omens had been already taken. In the ancient confarreate ceremony these were taken by the public augur, but in later times, no matter what the ceremony, the haruspices merely consulted the entrails of a sheep which had been killed in sacrifice. [Source: “The Private Life of the Romans” by Harold Whetstone Johnston, Revised by Mary Johnston, Scott, Foresman and Company (1903, 1932) |+|]

“After the omens had been pronounced favorable, the bride and groom appeared in the atrium , the public room of the house, and the wedding began. This consisted of two parts: 1) The ceremony proper, varying according to the form used (confarreatio, coemptio, or usus), the essential part being the consent before witnesses. 2) The festivities, including the feast at the bride’s home, the taking of the bride with a show of force from her mother’s arms, the escorting of the bride to her new home (the essential part), and her reception there. |+|

“The confarreate ceremony began with the dextrarum iunctio. The bride and groom were brought together by the pronuba, a matron but once married and living with her husband in undisturbed wedlock. They joined hands in the presence of ten witnesses representing the ten gentes of the curia. These are shown on an ancient sarcophagus found at Naples. Then followed the words of consent spoken by the bride: Quando tu Gaïus, ego Gaïa. The words mean, “When (and where) you are Gaius, then (and there) I am Gaia,” i.e., “I am bone of your bone, flesh of your flesh.” The formula was unchanged, no matter what the names of the bride and groom, and goes back to a time when Gaïus was a nomen, not a praenomen. It implied that the bride was actually entering the gens of the groom, and was probably chosen for the lucky meaning of the names Gaïus and Gaïa. Even in marriages sine conventione the old formula came to be used, its import having been lost in lapse of time. The bride and groom then took their places side by side at the left of the altar and facing it, sitting on stools covered with the pelt of the sheep slain for the sacrifice. |+|

“A bloodless offering was made to Jupiter by the Pontifex Maximus and the Flamen Dialis, consisting of the cake of spelt (farreum libum) from which the ceremony got the name confarreatio. Then the cake was eaten by the bride and groom. With the offering to Jupiter a prayer was recited by the Flamen to Juno as the goddess of marriage, and to Tellus, Picumnus, and Pilumnus, deities of the country and its fruits. The utensils necessary for the offering were carried in a covered basket (cumera) by a boy called camillus, whose parents must both be living at the time (i.e., he must be patrimus et matrimus). Then followed the congratulations, the guests using the word feliciter. |+|

“The coemptio began with the fictitious sale, carried out in the presence of no fewer than five witnesses. The purchase money, represented by a single coin, was laid in the scales held by a libripens. The scales, scaleholder, coin, an witnesses were all necessary for this kind of marriage. Then followed the dextrarum iuctio and the words of consent, borrowed, as has been said, from the confarreate ceremony. Originally the groom had asked the bride an sibi mater familias esse vellet. She assented, and put to him a similar question, an sibi pater familias esse vellet. To this he too gave an affirmative answer. A prayer was then recited and sometimes, perhaps, a sacrifice was offered, after which came the congratulations, as in the other and more elaborate ceremony. |+|

“The third form, that is, the ceremonies preliminary to usus, probably admitted of more variation than either of the others, but no description has come down to us. We may be sure that the hands were clasped, the words of consent spoken, and congratulations offered, but we know of no special customs or usages. It was almost inevitable that the three forms should become more or less alike in the course of time, though the cake of spelt could not be borrowed from the confarreate ceremony by either of the others, or the scales and their holder from the ceremony of coemptio. |+|

Roman Wedding Feast and Sacrifice

After the conclusion of the ceremony came the wedding feast (cena nuptialis), lasting in early times until evening. There can be no doubt that this was regularly given at the house of the bride’s father and that the few cases when, as we know, it was given at the groom’s house were exceptional and due to special circumstances which might cause a similar change today. The feast seems to have concluded with the distribution among the guests of pieces of the wedding cake (mustaceum2). There came to be so much extravagance at these feasts and at the repotia mentioned in that under Augustus it was proposed to limit their cost by law to one thousand sesterces (fifty dollars). His efforts to limit such expenditures were, however, fruitless. [Source: “The Private Life of the Romans” by Harold Whetstone Johnston, Revised by Mary Johnston, Scott, Foresman and Company (1903, 1932) |+|]

“In Roman law unbroken possession (usus) of movable things for one year gave full title to ownership of them. If the possession was broken (interrupted). the time of the usus had to begin to run afresh (i.e. the previous possession, or usus, was regarded as canceled). Cato gives the recipe for this cake: “Sprinkle a peck of flour with must. Add anise, cumin, bay leaves, two pounds of lard, and a pound of cheese. Knead well and bake on bay leaves.” |+|

Often a pig was sacrificed and people sang bawdy songs. A special wedding cake baked from wheat or barley was broken over the bride's head to symbolize her fertility. Crumbs from the cake were eaten by the couple and were thrown and fought over by the guests like a bouquet and then finally thrown at the bride. Guests also threw grain, which symbolized a good harvest and fertility.

Sometimes a ewe, rarely an ox, most often a pig were sacrificed at the wedding ceremony. After this the auspex — an interpreter of omens in ancient Rome — and the witnesses fulfilled their duties. The witnesses, probably ten in number, selected from the circles of the two contracting parties, played a silent role and simply affixed their seal to the marriage contract and witness the omen reading. The auspex was indispensable. His untranslatable title indicated that he fulfilled the functions of a personal, family augur without sacerdotal investiture and without official appointment. After examining the entrails, he gave his guarantee that the auspices were favorable. Without this, the marriage would have been disapproved by the gods and invalid. As soon as he had solemnly made his pronouncement amid respectful silence, the couple exchanged their mutual vows in his presence, in a formula which seemed to blend into one their wills as well as their lives: Ubi tu Gaius, ego Gaia. This concluded the marriage rite and the guests burst into congratulations and good wishes: Feliciterl May happiness wait upon you. [Source: “Daily Life in Ancient Rome: the People and the City at the Height the Empire” by Jerome Carcopino, Director of the Ecole Franchise De Rome Member of the Institute of France, Routledge 1936]

Music and Entertainment at a Roman Wedding

The ancient Romans sang unchaste and lascivious songs — fescennine songs — at weddings in the belief that they would avert the evil eye. It was thought that the more outrageous the better they would work.

Epithalamium were wedding hymns common in classical Greek and Roman weddings that were sung outside the bridal chamber by young men and maidens, usually accompanied by soft music. The two best proponents of the epithalamium verse form were the Greek poetess Sappho (said to be born at Mytilene in the island of Lesbos around 612 B.C.) and the Roman poet Catullus (who lived from 87 to 54 B.C.), known to be a great admirer of Sappho’s work. These poets were often commissioned to write marriage poems for aristocratic families.

Festivities after the wedding ceremony lasted until night fell when the moment had come to wrest the bride from her mother's embrace and bear her to her husband's home. The flute-players led the procession, described below, followed by five torch-bearers. As they approached the husband;s house, nuts were thrown to the children who had flocked about. These nuts had been the playthings of the groom in his childhood and their rattle on the pavement was a merry prophecy of the happiness and fertility which the future promised him. [Source: “Daily Life in Ancient Rome: the People and the City at the Height the Empire” by Jerome Carcopino, Director of the Ecole Franchise De Rome Member of the Institute of France, Routledge 1936]

Bridal Procession in Roman Wedding

After the wedding feast the bride was formally taken to her husband's house. This ceremony was called deductio, and, since it was essential to validity of the marriage, it was never omitted. It was a public function, that is, anyone might join the procession and take part in the merriment that distinguished it; we are told that persons of rank did not scruple to wait in the street to see a bride. As evening approached, the procession was formed before the bride’s house with torch-bearers and flute-players at its head. When all was ready, the marriage hymn (hymenaeus) was sung and the groom took the bride with a show of force from the arms of her mother. The Romans saw in this custom a reminiscence of the rape of the Sabines, but it probably goes far back beyond the founding of Rome to the custom of marriage by capture that prevailed among many peoples. The bride then took her place in the procession. She was attended by three boys, patrimi et matrimi; two of these walked beside her, each holding one of her hands, while the other carried before her the wedding torch of white thorn (spina alba). Behind the bride were carried the distaff and spindle, emblems of domestic life. The camillus with his cumera also walked in the procession. [Source: “The Private Life of the Romans” by Harold Whetstone Johnston, Revised by Mary Johnston, Scott, Foresman and Company (1903, 1932) |+|]

wedding carpentum

“During the march were sung the versus Fescennini, abounding in coarse jests and personalities. The crowd also shouted the ancient marriage cry, the significance of which the Romans themselves did not understand. We find it in at least five forms, all variations of Talassius or Talassio, the name, probably, of a Sabine divinity, whose functions, however, are unknown. Livy derives it from the supposed name of a senator in the time of Romulus. On the way the bride, by dropping one of three coins which she carried, made an offering to the Lares Compitales, the gods of the crossroads; of the other two she gave one to the groom as an emblem of the dowry she brought him, and one to the Lares of his house. The groom meanwhile scattered nuts through the crowd. This is explained by Catullus that the groom had become a man and had put away childish things, but the nuts were rather a symbol of fruitfulness. The custom survives in the throwing of rice in modem times. |+|

“When the procession reached the groom’s house, the bride wound the door posts with bands of wool, probably a symbol of her own work as mistress of the household, and anointed the door with oil and fat, emblems of plenty. She was then lifted carefully over the threshold, in order, some say, to avoid the chance of so bad an omen as a slip of the foot on entering the house for the first time. Others, however, see in the custom another survival of marriage by capture. She then pronounced again the words of consent: Ubi tu Gaïus, ego Gaïa, and the doors were closed against the general crowd; only the invited guests entered with the newly-married pair. |+|

“The husband met his wife in the atrium and offered her fire and water in token of the life they were to live together and of her part in the home. Upon the hearth was ready the wood for a fire; this the bride kindled with the marriage torch, which had been carried before her. The torch was afterwards thrown among the guests to be scrambled for as a lucky possession. A prayer was then recited by the bride and she was placed by the pronuba on the lectus genialis, which always stood in the atrium on the wedding night. Here it afterwards remained as a piece of ornamental furniture only. On the next day there was given in the new home the second wedding feast (repotia) to the friends and relatives, and at this feast the bride made her first offering to the gods as a matrona. A series of feasts followed, given in honor of the newly-wedded pair by those in whose social circles they moved. |+|

The husband had at some point slipped away from the procession and gone to his home, there to await the coming of the bride.” |+|

Roman Wedding Customs

Roman wedding ring

A Roman man received the "the hand" of his bride as a symbol of her innermost self and the touching of hands symbolized the union of hearts. After the ceremony there was a reception with toasts to the newlyweds and the carrying of the bride over the threshold for good luck. The often bride greased the door posts before being carried across the threshold.

At Roman weddings, guests sang bawdy songs, boys dived for nuts as a symbol of fertility and rings were placed on the bride's middle finger of her left hand. A nerve, Roman believed, ran from the middle finger to the heart.

Many Roman customs were adopted by early Christians and were passed down over the centuries and are still featured in modern weddings today. Many Christian wedding traditions were drawn from Roman weddings. The classicist Monseigneur Louis Duchesne said: "Except for the taking of the auspices, Christian ritual has preserved entire the Roman nuptial rite. Everything is there down to the bridal wreaths.... The Church is essentially conservative and in this type of ceremony has modified only such details as are incompatible with her teaching."

Roman Wedding Rings

Although Egyptians may have worn wedding rings, Greeks came up with idea of the ring finger and Romans popularized the custom of wearing rings on the ring finger. Aulus Gelliu explained: "When the human body is cut open as the Egyptians did and when dissections...are practiced on it, a very delicate nerve is found which starts from the [ring] finger and travels to the heart. It is therefore, thought seemly to give to this finger in preference to all others the honor of the ring, on account of the loose connection which links it with the principal organ."

Gold wedding rings were highly prized by the Romans. One Christian chronicler wrote in the 2nd century A.D." "most women know nothing of gold except the single marriage ring placed on one finger." Many Roman women wore gold rings in public and iron ones at home. Diamond wedding rings appeared in Rome in the A.D. 3rd century. Engagements were sometimes sealed by the placing an iron ring on the bride's middle finger.

Whether the ring consisted of a circle of iron set in gold or a circle of gold, the girl immediately slipped it, in the presence of the guests. The French speak of le doigt annulaire (anularius) with no recollection of the reason why this finger was originally chosen by the Romans. Aulus Gellius has laboriously explained it: When the human body is cut open as the Egyptians do and when dissections, or avaiO[xat as the Greeks phrase it, are practiced on it, a very delicate nerve is found which starts from the annular finger and travels to the heart. It is, therefore, thought seemly to give to this finger in preference to all others the honor of the ring, on account of the close connection which links it with the principal organ. [Source: “Daily Life in Ancient Rome: the People and the City at the Height the Empire” by Jerome Carcopino, Director of the Ecole Franchise De Rome Member of the Institute of France, Routledge 1936]

This intimate relation established in the name of imaginary science between the heart and the betrothal ring he cites to emphasise the solemnity of the engagement and above all the depth of the reciprocal affection which contemporaries associated with it. The voluntary and public acknowledgment of this affection was the essential element not only of the ceremony itself but of the legal reality of the Roman marriage.

Carrying the Bride across the Threshold

The tradition of carrying the bride across the threshold began with the Romans. The groom first went into the house to light the hearth while the bride smeared oil and grease around the doorway as a sign of good luck. To ensure that the bride wouldn't do anything like stumble, bringing bad luck to the house by angering household spirits that protected homes such as "penates", she was carried into the house left foot first. The only difference between the way the Roman's did it and the way we do it today is that slaves carried her into the house not her husband.

Tom Metcalfe wrote in Live Science: Roman tradition attributed the practice to a founding myth of the city often called "The Rape of the Sabine Women"; the word "rape" comes from the Latin word "raptio," meaning "abduction." According to the version of the story told by the Roman historian Livy, Rome was founded in about the eighth century B.C. by mostly male bandits, who then raided the villages of their neighbors, the Sabines, to abduct women to be their wives. And so the tradition of a groom carrying his bride over the threshold was said to represent the bride's reluctance to become a Roman wife and her desire to stay with the family of her father.

Ken Dark, an emeritus professor of archaeology and history at Reading University in the United Kingdom, cautioned that not everyone in ancient Rome may have believed in the displeasure of the penates or other gods, but they practiced such traditions anyway out of a sense of propriety. "We think now of personal religions, like Christianity, Islam or Hinduism, that require belief in a deity or deities, or a moral code," Dark told Live Science. "But classical paganism did not require such beliefs. It was more ritual — so as long as one did the right thing, at the right time and in the right way, whether you believed it or not was neither here nor there."

Wedding Night and Marital Sex in Ancient Rome

The parents of the three boys mentioned above had to still be alive. The nuptial torch was composed of tightly-twisted hawthorn twigs. At the threshold was spread with white cloth and strewn with luxuriant greenery. After her husband had offered the bride water and fire, the third and most honored bridesmaid, the pronuba, led her to the nuptial couch where her husband invited her to recline. He then removed her palla and proceeded to untie the nodus herculeus of her girdle, while the bridal party hastened to retire with the speed and discretion which propriety and custom demanded. [Source: “Daily Life in Ancient Rome: the People and the City at the Height the Empire” by Jerome Carcopino, Director of the Ecole Franchise De Rome Member of the Institute of France, Routledge 1936]

Describing a Roman wedding night, social historian Paul Veyne wrote: "The wedding night took the form of a legal rape from which the woman emerged “ ”offended with her husband” who, accustomed to using his slave women as he pleased, found it difficult to distinguish between raping a woman and taking the initiative in sexual relations. It was customary for the groom to forego deflowering his wife on the first night, out of concern for her timidity; but he made up for his forbearance by sodomizing her."

Jana Louise Smit wrote for Listverse: “Things in the Roman bedroom weren’t exactly even. While women were expected to produce sons, uphold chastity, and remain loyal to their husbands, married men were allowed to wander. He even had a rule book. It was fine to have extramarital sex with partners of both genders, but it had to be with slaves, prostitutes, or a concubine/mistress. Wives could do nothing about it since it was socially acceptable and even expected from a man. [Source: Jana Louise Smit, Listverse, August 5, 2016]

“While undoubtedly there were married couples who used passion as an expression of affection for one another, the general unsympathetic view was that women tied the knot to have children and not to enjoy a great sex life. That was for the husband to savor, and some savored it a little too much—slaves had no rights over their own bodies, so the rape of a slave was not legally recognized.”

Image Sources: Wikimedia Commons

Text Sources: Internet Ancient History Sourcebook: Rome sourcebooks.fordham.edu ; Internet Ancient History Sourcebook: Late Antiquity sourcebooks.fordham.edu ; “Outlines of Roman History” by William C. Morey, Ph.D., D.C.L. New York, American Book Company (1901) ; “The Private Life of the Romans” by Harold Whetstone Johnston, Revised by Mary Johnston, Scott, Foresman and Company (1903, 1932); BBC Ancient Rome bbc.co.uk/history/ ; Project Gutenberg gutenberg.org ; Metropolitan Museum of Art, National Geographic, Smithsonian magazine, New York Times, Washington Post, Los Angeles Times, Live Science, Discover magazine, Archaeology magazine, Reuters, Associated Press, The Guardian, AFP, The New Yorker, Wikipedia, Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopedia.com and various other books, websites and publications.

Last updated October 2024